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“Home is not a place, but a person,” they say. Mine was both. And when the time came for me to leave, it felt like a heartbreak and a betrayal at the same time. Nobody was chasing me away; I didn’t have to leave my country because of war, nor was it because my family could no longer keep me.

But you know, in life, there are cycles—sometimes it’s for staying, and other times it’s for moving away. If you are in the latter, I hope this article about my experience moving abroad will help you through the change.

1. It’s going to hurt at first, but you will be fine later

I remember crying that day—the day it became clear that I was really leaving. I was still going through the paperwork, it was exactly the process that made it feel so real. I remember going to the beach and crying. I felt like I was betraying my country—the place that carried me and saw me grow up; the place I never imagined leaving. I am Beninese, and I love my country in a way words can barely describe.

Yet here I am today, actually enjoying the adventure. I’ve realized that two things can be true at the same time: You can miss home with every fiber of your being, and still love exactly where you are right now. Sometimes you need to go in order to love better, learn better, and be better. So, it’s going to hurt at first, but you will be fine.

2. You will actually have a good time (and that’s okay!)

I know you might be shocked to read this, but it’s the truth. You will find one hundred and fifty articles or videos telling you how hard moving abroad can be. I don’t want to be one of them. First, because we already know that change can be challenging, and second, because things can actually go well when you are prepared.

In my case, I am a very optimistic person. I kept that energy when I moved—my optimism and my faith (I am Christian)—and I also had a lot of help and backup. That’s why I emphasize preparation. I traveled for my studies, and thank God I have parents who can support me, so I am not going to pretend it was all suffering. You could call it luck; I would say it’s God’s grace. Either way, no matter what, you should always keep your optimism and hope for the best. And of course, go prepared and pray. Prayer moves mountains. God will come through for you. And if you are not a believer, then at least have hope.

3. Solitude will seem okay until you start longing for community

As an African, the thing people worry about most is the individualism we face in the West. They don’t necessarily have the same sense of community that we do. You might find yourself isolated quickly. While I am focusing here on the emotional side of this journey, there are also many things no one tells you about moving out and managing your own space for the first time.

My advice? Call home as much as possible and stay in touch with friends, but also try to find new ones. As a Catholic, I am fortunate that my parish often organizes things for the youth. I make it a point to go. It is one of the rare times in the week I feel like I belong to a community. So please, go out. I don’t care if you are an introvert (I am an ambivert)—you are in a new country and you need to build new relationships. Sometimes colleagues are just colleagues, and classmates are just classmates. Most of the time your true community is elsewhere. So go out!

4. You will have to deal with the frustration of starting over

When you move abroad, especially for studies, it feels almost as if you are starting over. I already had my Bachelor’s degree and was working when I decided to move abroad for my Master’s. I had to go back to being a full-time student after being a full-time worker. It is a very humbling experience.

As a woman, I know we shouldn’t put the pressure of “time” on ourselves, but we do. You want to finish quickly so you can start working and building a family. You see your peers getting married and having kids while you are still studying, not even settled yet. Even as a man, it can feel as if you are being left behind. Well, let me tell you something: You are not late; you are exactly where you need to be. Do not compare yourself to others, because comparison will steal your joy.

5. Moving abroad is an adventure! Enjoy it!

I want to finish this article on a light note. Yes, you’ve probably already guessed by now that I am the queen of optimism! And if there is one thing I want you to take away from this story, it would be that: optimism. Optimism and faith. Do not worry; it will be okay. It might be okay quickly, or it might take some time, but in the end, it will be okay.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” — 

John Lennon

Have you also moved abroad? If yes, tell me about your journey in the comments!!

XO

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